I haven't been very diligent about keeping up with my blog lately. A few pictures here and there to tide anyone who checks in over for another day....but not much insight. I suppose when life is going just dandy there is no need to put it down in words. Or maybe not.
I want to say something profound here.....nothing comes to mind. My kids are wonderful. Lillian is walking. Paige is about to test into kindergarten. Nick is happy as a clam to have his new 4 Runner in our garage for the
fixin. I'm content. Just dandy.
But I feel unsatisfied. I feel as though life is going by so quickly, and I am just an innocent bystander. I don't like that feeling. I want to wake up every morning and exclaim to the world "I'm here! I'm ready!!!" But. It's not like that. Life has it's normal moments. I guess this is just one of them.
I'm reminded now of a passage out of Jonathan Carroll's
Sleeping in Flame :"There are long quiet periods in life that are very much like waiting for a bus on a nice day. You don't mind much because the weather is sunny and nice, and your in no hurry. But after a while you start looking at your watch because there are much more interesting things you could be doing, and it really
is time the bus came."
What am I expecting? A burning bush to tell me what to do with my life. I am enjoying my children. Watching them learn and grow each day. But I don't want to loose myself in the living. I feel as though there is a status
quo for mothers. You must stay home, wash clothes, clean, cook, and take care of the children. In this you must find your happiness. What if you don't? Then what? Are you an unfit mother? I disagree. You must find your own happiness. Wherever it may be hiding. I find happiness in my children for sure.
After all they are the people that have shaped me into the person I am. And I do the same for them. That is a huge responsibility. Shaping lives. Making decisions that reflect upon who your children become and what they believe. I take the challenge with open arms and a full heart. But we must not loose ourselves in the process. We are parents. Yes. But we are people as well. We need to find the delicate balance between motherhood and sanity. I choose both.
So what you ask is the point of all this rambling on? You know...I don't know. I just do that from time to time...
